


Tsumi to Batsu

by Vioxxin



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 17:25:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5793397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vioxxin/pseuds/Vioxxin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaneki and Hide must face the punishment of their crimes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tsumi to Batsu

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr prompt for 50shadesofwinchester. Lyrics by [Joydreamer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtltY65wnOw).  
> this might get a little confusing. as a hint, this is based on a slightly divergent canon, and the story isn’t told linearly.

 

**_"Hey you,”_ **

 

“Hey Hide.”

 

“Why the long face, best friend?”

 

“It’s nothing, I just..” Kaneki stops, something like sorrow crossing far too slowly on his face. It’s too slow, so slow, and Hide almost resents him for it, because that is not an expression he ever wanted to catch.

 

He can’t though. Not when he looks past Kaneki’s shoulder and sees them. Old people, a group of them, all unsubtly staring at his friend.

 

Hide sees their mouths move, realizes that they have been whispering all this time. They’re far away enough that he can’t hear them, but Kaneki can.

 

“ **_If only you had the ears that I have,”_ **

 

Ghoul senses are such a wonder, he thinks.

 

(Such a wondrous curse)

 

He lays his hand over Kaneki’s, a gentle request to meet his eyes. Kaneki grants it, his eyes still filled with pitifully hidden self-hatred and just a hint of curiosity.

 

**_“Then I would sing you a song from my heart”_ **

 

Hide smiles, “So when’s our order coming? Of course, being the intimately close bros we are, I’m assuming you’d know exactly what I want?”

 

“Of course I do,” Kaneki answers with a roll of his eyes, his fingers relaxing under Hide’s hand, “Always.” 

 

**_“But I just wonder-”_ **

 

Hide laughs, “Wow! I hear a lot of confidence in that statement. I hope this means you’re prepared to face the consequences if you get it wrong!”

 

Kaneki doesn’t answer, his gaze far away. The whispers must be getting to him again, Hide realizes.

 

(“How horrible. He looks like a punk. His mother must be so disappointed.”)

 

“Hey, don’t worry man. You know I’m not gonna hurt you. Not physically anyway. Can’t say anything about your psyche once you see this baby in full blast!” Hide teases, pulling his face into a mocking, angry pout.

 

(Don’t listen to them. I’m right here. I won’t hurt you)

 

**_“-would you hear me?”_ **

  
  


* * *

 

 

**_“Hey you,”_ **

 

“H-Hide,” Kaneki gasps.

 

The alley is dark, fitting. Kaneki blends in the shadows with his dark clothes, hood pulled tight over his snowy hair. He is even handsomer now, Hide’s best friend. So painfully beautiful.

 

Hide has ridden more than a thousand miles for Kaneki, brushed shoulders with Death multiple times for him, all for the chance to see his face. 

 

He looks so utterly shocked, so devastatingly terrified.

 

**_“If only you had the heart that I have,”_ **

 

(You don’t want me here do you?)

 

“Kaneki, I-”

 

(I missed you so much. I’m so sorry you had to deal with this alone. I’m sorry. I love you. I love you. I love you.)

 

**_“Then I would flood you with all of my love”_ **

 

“I’m glad I caught you.”

 

Hide holds out his hand imploringly, wants to reach for Kaneki’s face and run his thumbs across his cheeks. He wants to unclasp that mask and throw it away, show Kaneki that there is no need for one between them.

 

(No more masks, please.)

 

Kaneki steps back, and Hide’s hand comes back empty.

 

**_“But I wonder-”_ **

 

“You shouldn’t be here,” Kaneki intones, “Forget this ever happened.” The glare in his eyes matches the gaping maw of his mask, deadly and daring.

 

Hide hates himself for the fear that gnaws at his cheek.

 

“Kaneki, you don’t need this anymore. Please, I’ve always known. Just let me help you.”

 

“I don’t need your help.”

 

**_“-would you feel me?_ **

 

“What use would a human be to me, other than food?”

 

**_“Hey, if you'll hate me at some point,”_ **

 

“You’d just get in my way.”

 

**_”I might as well just kill myself and save me from this misery 'cause”_ **

 

“Stop trying to be a martyr, Hide.”

 

**_“If I cannot earn your love,”_ **

 

“You’re not fooling anyone.”

 

**_“Then you don't need me at all, at all, at all”_ **

 

Hide has ridden a thousand miles for him, brushed shoulders with Death for him.

 

Kaneki doesn’t take off his mask. Instead, Hide sees his kagune for the first time, brilliant streaks of red that lift Kaneki up and propel him away.

 

**_“Baah.”_ **

  
  


* * *

 

 

His intuition has always been correct. One look at the man and Hide had been compelled to come close, to stumble, to fall.

 

He bends just low enough to stick the listening device on without getting caught and walks away from Death yet again.

 

He never fails in following his intuition. Not after that girl.

 

Not after Kaneki.

 

Hide sits by his empty bedframe, a dirty blanket wrapped tight around his head as his best friend’s screams echo from the headset.

 

He did something this time. He actually did something this time and he’s still  _ wrong _ .

 

**_“Hey,”_ **

 

The phone lies just a few feet away from him. It had gone dark after he’d thrown it away, done with tipping off the CCG.

 

**_“If I’ll hate you at some point,”_ **

 

They should have been there already.

 

He can’t tell. 

 

**_“You might just love the me”_ **

 

Kaneki’s screaming drowns everything in the audio.

 

He probably wouldn’t have wanted the CCG to be called.

 

**_“But it no longer cares about your feelings”_ **

 

Hide convinces himself not to care.

 

“You need them,” he mutters to himself.

 

He toes the phone beside him, wondering what scene the investigators would see when they reach the hideout.

 

**_“He that needs you now is gone”_ **

 

He imagines them bursting through an empty chamber with nothing but blood and limbs.

 

**_”He is forever gone”_ **

 

He imagines them wandering through the blood to see the mangled corpse of those limbs’ owner.

 

**_”He's gone”_ **

 

He imagines Kaneki, whole but fractured, no longer his to know.

 

(No longer his to love.)

 

**_“Hey you,”_ **

 

A photo flutters down from his board. Hide catches it, finds Kaneki’s innocent face beaming back at him.

 

His imagination ends at the thought that this smile will never be his to see again.

 

**_“It hurts, you know.”_ **

 

 

* * *

 

 

Kaneki wonders if he’s finally snapped.

 

He sags against the chair limply, hands shaking as his fingers try to grow back all over again. 

 

Yamori busies himself with his tools as they wait. Kaneki can hear the sound of metal as he tests them out. 

 

He should be scared. There’s still more to be tried.

 

Instead, he picks up a voice.

 

**_“Hey you, if you had the ears that I have,”_ **

 

Someone is singing. Someone is singing and they sound remarkably like Hide.

 

**_“Then I would sing you a song from my heart but I just wonder if you'd”_ **

 

Rize’s hands slide down his torso, a teasing smile on her lips, “Aww, how sweet. Thinking of your precious person in your pain?”

 

**_“Hey you, if you had the heart that I have, then I would”_ **

 

“Disappointing, Kaneki-kun. I didn’t know you were this weak.” 

 

**_“Flood you with all of my love but I wonder if you'd”_ **

 

“If you really wanted him to be here, why didn’t you just tell him in the first place?”

 

* * *

 

 

“I’ve always known.”

 

**_“I don't need to reach your ears, you are deafening”_ **

 

Kaneki leans his weight against the table. His wound is healing but his body still feels too heavy.

 

Hide watches him from across the room, something like pain crossing his face far too fast. It’s too fast, so fast, Kaneki almost resents him for it because he knows what he’s doing.

 

Smile. Just smile and hope it’ll all be better.

 

He counts the seconds until Hide stumbles, his feet slipping against the pool of blood that came from his own body.

 

Kaneki doesn’t hesitate to catch him, tears tight in his eyes.

 

“I’m sorry. I may have... screwed up out there… a little…”

 

**_“I don't need to fill your heart, this is my ending”_ **

 

Hide clutches his shoulder, painstakingly lifting his eyes to Kaneki’s even if it hurts so much to move.

 

It’s worth it.

 

**_“All I need is all the pain hidden inside you”_ **

 

He should feel guilty for the pain in those eyes.

 

“Can you promise me one last thing?” 

 

**_“That's my only way to mend, in the end.”_ **

 

Instead, he meets them with his lips, a whisper on his mouth.

 

“Take us home.”


End file.
